Thursday 10 November 2011

He Speaks my Language


Nothing very serious this time, but  an amusing ( I hope) look at the barriers and bridges language can build 
“You will try to get on with Great Uncle Henry,” James’ mother pleaded as they drove over for Sunday lunch.  “You have a lot in common – he was quite wild in his youth, too!”


“When he used to hang out with his great friend Noah?  Don’t worry mum, I’ve done some research as part of my A Level English Language.  No probs, mum…”

“You will try to get on with young James, Henry,” his wife, Hattie, pleaded.  “Underneath it all he’s a nice lad.  And you were a bit of a rebel when I first knew you!”

“Don’t worry, Hattie.  I’ve been doing some research on the inter-net.  I think I’ve got a surprise in store for him!”


“What-ho, Uncle Henry!” was James’ greeting.  “Hope you’re as right as rain!”

“Respect, James!  You look bad, I’m glad to say!”

The two men looked at each other in surprise and dawning amusement.  The two women shook their heads and exited hastily to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

“You’re speaking my language.  Awesome!” said Henry.

“And you’re speaking mine!  Fab!  Jolly D!  Saves arguing the toss all the time,” James responded.

“Young James, you look wicked!  I bet you’re a babe-magnet,” said his great-uncle.

“I’m sure you had your moments, as the actress said to the bishop,” responded his great-nephew.  “We’ll get on like a jolly old house on fire!”

“There’s a real babe – a blonde - as barmaid in the Pig and Whistle – shall we go there and see?” asked Henry.

“Blonde? natural or bottle?”

“Not sure, James.  Could be an aviation blonde!”
……………………………………………………………………………..
The two were still laughing as they passed through the kitchen on the way out.

“Where are you two going?” asked Aunt Hattie, pleased to see such accord.

“We’re going down the boozer – we may get tiddly, or even plastered,” James said, opening the door.

“Tiddly?  We’re going to get ab-so-lute-ly wasted!” said Henry, as he closed the door behind them.

Wednesday 2 November 2011

From the Dragon's mouth

You’ve all heard the stories – how George killed the dragon, or at the very least tamed it, and the Princess was able to lead it to the palace on a ribbon, or something: Well, what rubbish! Never believe anything you read in the chronicles, my old Mam used to say, and quite right she was. She also brought me up to be polite, and never eat maidens  - or any other human beings, come to think of it.  Anyway, the time has come to put the record straight.

To begin at the beginning (as another Welsh writer puts it), there were dragons all over the world in those days. Marvellous it was, to see us young ones flying in formation over hill and dale, lake and sea. Of course, there were always nations that were more welcoming than others – usually the older, wiser ones, especially the Chinese and Welsh. I often visited my fellows in China, but my home was Wales.  Kind to us, the people there were – bred huge herds of sheep for us to eat.

We never ate people: that’s a wicked lie spread about by those people who were scared of us – the English for example. I won’t say we didn’t do a bit of border raiding from time to time, and take the odd English cow. I’ll even admit to scaring a few Anglo-Saxons by belching fire in their general direction, but we never killed anyone, let alone ate them. Mam would have gone spare, and a Welsh Mam, especially a dragon, on the warpath, is something you do not want to see!

Well, to the incident in question: what it was, was that we had an English Princess staying at the court of our local Prince (no kings in Wales).  Some sort of hostage – she’d been swapped for one of our Prince’s daughters until the details of the Peace Treaty were sorted.  A lovely girl she was too, and good to look at. I mean all our Welsh girls – and the Chinese ones, come to think of it – are little and dark. The English one was tall and fair, as well as pretty, so she was a real novelty. She was friendly too, and was soon as close as close with the Welsh princesses and their friends. (Nothing snooty about us Welsh – all the girls in the district ran round together)

One day, at the beginning of May they were all playing round my cave, making May garlands and playing silly games, whilst I snoozed in the afternoon sun, half in and half out of my cave, full to the brim after a good lunch of Welsh Mutton. The girls were acting as if they were six or seven, not sixteen and seventeen, as most of them were: the spring sunshine had gone to their heads. “Let’s play hide-and- seek!” said one and soon they’d all scattered, some even hiding in the folds of my wings.

Well, they’d been playing for about half-an-hour, when up rode George.  Let me tell you about him.  Our English Princess had told us that when all this Peace Treaty was sorted out, and she went home, she was to marry a Syrian Prince “Very brave, and handsome and rich, and not so clever that I won’t be able to wind him round my little finger!” An arranged marriage, of course, but she was very happy about it, and very willing to love her George, whilst he
was bewitched by the lovely lass. George had arrived to take our Princess home, the Treaty having been sorted out. And he totally misread the situation.

The point is, that dragons aren’t well known in the Middle East. The Far East, yes, but the food supplies in the Middle East always presented a problem – not too many well-fleshed herds in those deserts! So when he was told that the girls were all up at the Dragon’s Den, he got it wrong. And being a brave, noble sort of chap, stuffed full of Chivalric ideas, (and not blessed with a great sense of humour), he rushed off to the rescue.

And what did he see?  His Beloved, standing quite near a large red dragon, with her hands over her eyes, shaking slightly (Well, it was her turn to be on, and she was trying to count, whilst still laughing at a remark one of our girls had made). No other girls to be seen, and quite a few gnawed bones lying around (I’d been too sleepy to tidy up after lunch).  The next thing I know, I feel something between a prod and a tickle, and as I open my eyes, I see George, poking at me with his little sword.  I’m not best pleased and I give a little warning puff of flame over his head. But his Princess shouts to me in Welsh (which she’d learnt, but George of course didn’t understand), telling me to humour him, and to “play dead”.

So I rolled onto my back with my legs in the air, and the Princess came rushing up, and told George how brave he was  - that was true, of course, if I’d been as fierce as he’d thought! Then all the others rushed up, eager to get their eyes on George, and he thought he’d rescued them as well: that they’d been hiding from me, or imprisoned by me or something. So they took the garlands they’d made earlier, and draped them all over George and me, as well as round their own necks, and we went back to the town for a feast.

When the Princess and George set off home, I went with them to the border, but I didn’t go further, as I wasn’t sure of my welcome – or if I’d be able to keep my claws off their cattle!

So that’s how the two versions of the story got going – firstly that George had tamed me, and the princess had led me home on some sort of lead, and secondly, because they no longer had me with them, that I’d been killed in the fight.

There’s stupid, as my Mam would say.  But that’s the way all sorts of legends get going – take them all with a pinch of salt, I say. There’s often some truth in it, but searching for it can be like looking for as needle in a haystack. When you come across something that seems a bit farfetched remember George, and me, the Dragon.

Wednesday 26 October 2011

Riot - a Story of Thalassa


                                                Riot: A Story of Thalassa

The riot started the day they announced formally the birth of a daughter to the queen, Thalassa.  Of course, the child had been born fully a week before.  The announcement could only been made when it was pronounced healthy, and the queen had recovered sufficiently to stand on the balcony, presenting the new baby girl to the crowd below.

There were the customary cheers, of course.  But not as many as expected.  And mainly from the women who were there with their men, whose sleeves were for the most part chained to their chests, as was traditional – and right.  Bodyguards only had their arms free.  Now there was a murmuring amongst the men, a suggestion of discontent.   Terchet, the queen’s chief advisor, spoke over the murmuring, bidding them welcome the queen’s daughter.  But the noise grew, and became a tumult.  Then someone threw a stone.

Instantly, chaos broke out.  Violence against any woman, let alone the queen and her advisor, was unheard of.  The chaining of men’s arms was only for show.  Now bodyguards, all eunuchs, all fanatically loyal, drew their heavy sticks and prepared to fight against those men who seemed to be willing to join in the lawlessness, and to brawl even in the Palace’s Outer Courtyard.

Despite Thalassa herself using voice-amplification to beg for calm, the disorder grew.  Now there was a scuffle on the ceremonial staircase leading to the balcony and Terchet hustledthem away from the turbulence.

Safe in the inner depths of the palace, Thalassa gave the babe to a nursemaid and faced Terchet.  “What is going on?”

“No need to worry, your majesty.  Palace Guards – with our top female officers, of course - will soon put an end to the upheaval.  The perpetrators will meet with summary justice.”

“That is not what I asked.”  Thalassa drew herself to her full height, ignoring the weakness in her legs, which was not totally due to the recent birth. “I asked what was going on.  What was that about?”

Terchet’s lips thinned.  “Your majesty.  Someone has been rumour -mongering. Amongst the men” – and the ice in her voice would have frozen water on the balmiest of days – “Amongst the men, the story has spread that should the queen have the misfortune to give birth to a boy, rather than the expected daughter…” She glanced at the baby, still sleeping in the arms of the nursemaid.  “They are saying that should this happen, we murder the boy and substitute a girl of the right age”

Thalassa, too, looked at her daughter, with love which almost overrode the horror of the rumour.  “How appalling,” she said.  “As if any in the Palace would countenance such a thing!”

“Indeed not, your majesty. We would never condone murder – that would be a male reaction to such an event.  Be assured that the male child you unfortunately gave birth to seven days ago…” She paused as she saw shock render Thalassa’s face bloodless.  “Be assured he is well-placed, and will be found a position as suits his limited male abilities.  You may concentrate on she who is now your daughter without any worries on that score.”

 (This was set as a writing exercise in our writing class.  We chose a word beginning with the third letter of our surname, and looked it up on a thesaurus, and used 10 of the synonyms plus the originalk word in a story.  I decided to move my Thalassa story on a bit)
Key Word: Riot.
Synonyms: Tumult, Chaos, Violence, Fight (v), Lawlessness, Brawl (v), Disorder, Scuffle, Turbulence, Upheaval.

Thursday 20 October 2011

Thalassa

Sorry for delay in putting more stuff on this blog.  Here is a stort which I may well use as the start of a novel - what do you think?  (Copyright as usual)


Thalassa

Thalassa smiled.  Today was the day of her Enthronement, the day when she received the Torque, symbol of the totality of her power in Anardill.  Since the Sisters had preferred her over the others who were eligible on the death of the last Matriarch, she had of course, ruled, but today she would be seated on the Chair of Judgement, presented with the Torque, and the whole world would know her power.

She walked down the lines of representatives from many countries, here for the Ceremony.  To her distress many lands had sent men, despite the widespread knowledge of the customs of Anardill, of her land.  Of course, Ambassadors, who could reside here for years, were all female, with men kept for subservient or menial roles, as was right.  But some still allowed their barbarism to show by sending male representatives to her Enthronement!

Nevertheless she smiled and nodded courteously, moving at a steady pace, the heavy brocade with its gold thread embroidery helping her do so.  She would have to get used to this – no more running like a fercat through the courtyards, cellars and attics of the palace complex.

Now she was on the wide balcony overlooking the city square. The square was crowded with her subjects, the women prominent with their hair piled up elaborately in honour of the occasion.  Some had men with them as bodyguards – a job their bulk made them suitable for. The other men kept demurely to the edge of the square, bare heads bowed modestly, left arms loosely attached to their tunics, a reminder of the old days when men, because of their innate bodily strength and vicious tendencies, had to be physically restrained.  Nowadays, naturally, no civilised man of Anardill would think of challenging a woman.  But they made good soldiers – under female officers, it went without saying – and male bodyguards added prestige, and even, occasionally, safety, with so many foreigners living in the city. 
                    …………………………………………………

Later, toward the end of the State Banquet, her Chief Advisor, Terchet, approached her.  Thalassa fought down a feeling of nervousness – now, Terchet was hers to command, not She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed.  But the years of training, of subservience to the older woman, were not easily put aside.  And the nervousness was compounded by the knowledge of why she had come.  Because of what came next, Thalassa had eaten sparingly, and drunk only wine enough to speed the blood, not slow the mind.

Terchet bowed.  “My Lady, the chosen males are assembled in the Holding Room.  Now is the hour appointed by the astrologers.  If you would come to make your choice?”

As they made their way down the long corridors and wide staircases toward the room at the back of the ground floor, Terchet spoke.  “My Lady, we have selected ten. They have been rigorously examined, and their bloodlines investigated. They have been put through the tests for their physical attributes, and have bested others in the arena. They are well trained socially, and their mental qualities are as high as one can expect in any of the male sex – sufficient, anyway, that they will not hold back the intelligence that any child will inherit from you.  As to looks – we have tried for a variety of outward appearances, representative of the varied provinces of this land, and all, I think I may say, are sufficiently handsome that spending the necessary time with them will be no hardship.”

Thalassa nodded graciously, hoping to hide her embarrassment.  It was one thing discussing all this with the other Candidates amongst giggles and nudges, but quite another to hear the calm, measured tones of her Chief Advisor talking of male attractions.

“If I may, my Lady, presume to offer some advice?”  When Thalassa nodded again, Terchet carried on.  “Look carefully at Grinzig – he’s the southerner, with his hair worn in their traditional queue.  His family is excellent, he has proved his fertility in his home city, he has served as a soldier so would bring the necessary vitality into the royal line…and he is not unattractive.”

“How old is he?  A father already you say?  So he is not a virgin?”

“He is thirty-five summers old.  A little older than you might wish, perhaps.”

“He is more than twice my age,” said Thalassa sharply.  “But he has other good points, I acknowledge. We will see.”

The female officers saluted smartly and opened the heavy wooden doors.  Ten males stood there, guarded by two more officers.  At a command from one of them, the men knelt, heads bowed.  Terchet indicated that the doors should be shut, then stood with her back against them. Thalassa slowly paced along the line then spoke. “Stand up men: I can hardly judge you when all I can see is the tops of your heads!”

When they were all standing again, she looked up and down the line with a feeling of vague disappointment.  They were all so…malleable, so obedient, so spiritless.  So unlike those in the Romances smuggled into the Training Palace from over the borders, or via the port.  She could see what Terchet meant about Grinzig, she supposed, but even with the wine in her, he did not set her blood coursing.

Then her eyes saw the figure at the end of the line.  He was darker than the others, and, although dressed in the customary robes, he looked different – his hair was a little wild, and his eyes were looking at her in a most immodest way.  “What is that one’s name?” she asked Terchet.  “Where is he from?”

Tercet’s lips narrowed.  “I apologise, my Lady.  He is from one of the mountain tribes, included for political reasons, to placate them as they are restless at the moment.  Unfortunately, they are infected with some of the heretical ideas from over the border.  He will be well whipped for his impertinence in looking at you.”

“I asked you his name.”
“Something totally unpronounceable.  But as he is almost as untameable as a fercat, we have given him the soubriquet of Kitling. But he need concern you no longer. If Grinzig does not take your fancy, the islander is attractive.”

“No,” said Thalassa, and smiled at the mountain man – not much more than a lad, really, about her age. To Terchet’s horror, he grinned back… and…was that a wink?  “No, having given it due consideration, I choose Kitling.”

She turned to find out what the noise was.  Terchet had slumped to the floor in a deep swoon.

Thalassa smiled.


Saturday 16 July 2011

Tom Dick and Harry


Tom, Dick and Harry.

Through the forest the old man shuffles,
With his pig, in search of truffles.
They’ve both done this time out of mind:
But now old Tom is all but blind…
And near Tom’s gate young Richard’s lurking –
A lad who hates all thought of working.
He’s stolen since he was a boy
His feckless lifestyle brings him joy.
“It’s so easy – knock Tom down,
Then sell the truffles in the town:
He can find them first for me:
So simple now he cannot see!”
Tom’s home is on the forest’s edge,
Behind a somewhat straggly hedge,
And there young Richard lies in wait.
He sees Tom opening the gate,
And knocks him down, his cries he muffles,
And then he runs off with the truffles.
Bur Tom’s pig, Harry, saves the day –
He hardly needs old Tom to say
“Go, get him boy!”  - he’s off so quick,
And soon knocks over hapless Dick.
Now Richard lies upon his back,
Sprawled winded, right across the track.
Then Harry to the village trots,
And, at his squealing, from their plots
And houses rush the village folk,
Who all regard it as a joke
That Harry Pig’s defeated Dick!
They gather up Tom’s truffles quick,
And check old Tom has not been hurt –
(He’s fine, if covered all in dirt).
Embarrassed, Richard slinks away
He’s not been heard of since that day.
Then someone say’s “Lets have a feast,
To celebrate this noble beast!”
And so they party long that night,
And dance, and laugh, and get quite tight.
Then to the town the tale they carry:
Of Tom, bad Dick, and hero Harry!

This was an exercise in which we had to include 3 characters, one blind, and Truffles! The verse option was totally my own decision


Copyright

Just to make things clear: all writing published on this blog is copyrighted to Elizabeth Horrocks

The Dark Space

This is now due out this autumn - the second author proof reading having taken place!